Blackbox of Doom
by Unformal Sorrelle
Summary: What happens when assorted characters crossover into a play...? Filled with Feegles, Spike, Random Zombies and other of your favorite characters from Buffy, Discword, Merlin, Maximum Ride and others! T for character death  even if you like it  COMEDY!
1. Chapter 1

This would be more of a Merlin\Buffy\Discworld Crossover but for some reason this site insists on only two possible crosses... But where's the fun in that?

_"Multicross_

_For an author there are many ways to have fun… Way better than lacrosse!" Anyways, Buffy, Discworld… meet everyone else ;) _

Scene Cast*:

**Prince Arthur Pendragon**

**Merlin **_**(From Merlin)**_

**Morgana Pendragon**

**Uther Pendragon**

**Susan Sto Helit**

**Death**

**Assorted Nac Mac Feegles**

**Rincewind**

**Merlin **_**(as in old bearded guy)**_

**Buffy the Vampire Slayer**

**Spike**

**Edward Cullen**

**Severus Snape**

**Angel**

**Thirrin Feer Strong-in-the-Arm Lindensheild **

**Oskan Witch's Son**

**Random Zombie**

**Sorrel**

_The stage is a black box, a single table set with ten chairs sits center-stage, the lights black out for five seconds . The lights flash on and illuminate the now filled chairs._

_**Death **__is seated at the head of the table, with __**Susan**__ to his right and __**Rincewind**__ to his left, seated next to __**Susan**__ are __**Random Zombie**__, __**Morgana**__, __**Edward**__ and __**Spike**__ (the two vamps in the same seat); Next to __**Rincewind**__ are __**Uther**__, __**Old Merlin**__ and __**Merlin**__. __**Arthur**__ sits at the foot of the table. __**Spike**__ shoves __**Edward**__ over and claims the seat for himself. __**Random Zombie **__starts looking intently at the human's heads._

**Spike**: What the bloody heck is this tea party?

**Edward**: You pushed me!

**Spike**: Shove off pretty boy! _(__**Edward**__ pouts)_

**Uther**: _(stands up) _Sorcery! This must be- _(looks to his left… looks to his right… turns purple) _Sorcerers!

**Spike**: Giles? What's with the bloody costume?

**Arther**: Father? Are you- _(__**Uther**__ draws his sword)_

**Uther**: There will be no magic in my kingdom! _(Tries to stab __**Rincewind**__ who's now running around the stage screaming)_

**Susan**: Grandfather, what is happening?

**Death**: I AM NOT SURE. HOWEVER, I LIKE THE WALL COLOR.

**Spike**: What the bloody heck are you doing Giles? _(__**Spike**__ stands up an __**Edward**__ steals his chair.) _Did he forget to turn in a library book or something _(__**Spike**__ laughs)_

**Arthur**: _Mer_lin, what is going on?

**Merlin\Old Merlin**: I don't know _(__**Merlin**__ and __**Old Merlin **__give each other looks)_

**Morgana**: I might have an idea _(Looks at __**Random Zombie **__and smirks. __**Random Zombie **__tries to eat __**Morgana**__'s brain) _Arthur!

**Arthur**: Morgana! _(jumps on the table to try to attack __**Random Zombie**__. __**Morgana**__ starts running from __**Random Zombie**__ so __**Arthur**__ follows, sword in hand.)_

_(The tables remaining occupants' look at each other. Then __**Merlin**__ watches __**Arthur**__, wondering if he'll have to intervene magically. __**Susan**__ is considering stopping time and ending all this madness. __**Edward**__ gathers up the empty chairs, stacks them and sits on top.)_

**Death** : I THINK RINCEWIND MIGHT DIE. HA HA HA. IT IS CALLED SARCASM, SUSAN. I HAVE BEEN TOLD IT IS FUNNY.

**Susan**: It isn't.

**Death**: OH…

**Arthur**: I got you! _(stabs __**Random Zombie**__ twice, __**Sorrel**__ appears from Stage Left)_

**Sorrel**: HEY! You aren't supposed to kill him!

**Arthur**: So you're the sorceress who did this. Release us and- _(__**Uthur**__ runs by)_

**Uther**: There will be no magic! _(__**Arthur**__ looks annoyed at __**Uther**__ interrupting him)_

**Sorrel**: Wake up Uther! Nearly everyone in this room is of the supernatural! I mean you and me are the only real non-magical people here. _(__**Arthur**__ is about to interrupt her) _Be quiet Arthur, you were born of magic and Merlin, both of them, is a warlock and a wizard respectively_ (__**Merlin**__ looks worried)_. Morgana is an evil sorceress if you hadn't already figured that out from her smirking all the time _(at this __**Morgana**__ smirks until she thinks about it)_. Spike is a vampire and Deadweird… is supposed to be but _(pauses) _he sparkles! _(__**Spike**__ chuckles again, surprised this sparkle-boy would claim such a title)_ Death and his granddaughter Susan are over there. Rincewind is another wizzard.

**Arthur**: What is going on?

**Sorrel**: I'm an Author.

**Susan**: I thought he was Arthur.

**Sorrel**: Author! Anyways, I'm Sorrel and I'm ruler of this place! And since you killed Random Zombie I'll have to replace him. Susan, Death, would you mind leaving for a moment? I'll write you back in later, I promise.

**Death**: THAT IS FINE WITH ME._(__**Death**__ and __**Susan**__ disappear, __**Thirrin**__, __**Snape**__ and __**Angel**__ appear. __**Uther**__ goes bug-eyed and stops chasing __**Rincewind**__. __**Rincewind**__ keeps trying to run away)_

**Thirrin**: Where am I?

**Snape**: What is going on… _(Glares when he realizes he doesn't know anyone's last name)_

**Angel**: Well that's better…

**Sorrel**: Thirrin is a warrior queen, Snape is a wizard and Angel is a bird-kid. Have fun and don't kill each other! _(__**Sorrel**__ disappears)_

**Merlin**: Maybe we can bargain with her.

**Arthur**: With a sorceress? And is that true? Are you a sorcerer? Is Morgana evil? Father! That better have been a lie! _(__**Uther**__ is unable to answer as he is having a mental breakdown)_

**Merlin**: Uh…

**Morgana**: No of course I am not evil, who are you to even suggest such a thing? _(__**Morgana**__ smirks)_

**Arthur:** You just smirked!

**Morgana**: I did not (_**Morgana**__ smirks again)_

**Arthur**: You did it again!

**Moragana**: Oh, that, ha ha ha, it's noting. _(__**Morgana**__ smirks again, __**Arthur**__ stares at her with disbelief.)_

**Arthur**: Sorrel was right…

**Thirrin**: Bother! Would someone tell me what's going on! _(__**Thirrin**__ draws her sword)_

**Arthur**: Another lady-knight?

**Thirrin**: Do not dare insult me, I'm the queen of the Icemark!

**Arthur**: I'm Prince Arthur of Camelot. I must warn you however to stay calm-

**Thirrin**: Stay calm? What do you mean by that? You don't think I can handle my own sword?

**Arthur**: A lady of your delicate breeding- _(__**Thirrin**__ laughs heartily before her temper gets the best of her,)_

**Thirrin**: I am of the fighting Lindensheild clan! I cut off the great Scipio Bellorum's hand! I made allies with the mighty Snow Leopards-

**Arthur**: A lady-

**Thirrin**: You! _(She see's __**Merlin**__ and rightly assumes he's a servant)_ Would you tell this Prince Arthur he has no right to tell me what to do?

**Merlin**: _(chuckles) _Sire, she said-

**Arthur**: _Mer_lin.

**Merlin**: Excuse him for being such a Prat.

**Arthur**: _Mer_lin! Is it true you're a warlock?

**Merlin**: Well you see… Um…

**Thirrin**: _(glares at __**Arthur**__ for switching the subject) _I will not be ignored! And yes, I'd assume your servant is a warlock- he reminds me of my consort Oskan. Be grateful, _(whispers under her breath-) _don't let him draw down lightning.

**Arthur**: _(Shocked)_ How could you Merlin? After all we've fought for and all the people we've seen corrupted by magic?

**Merlin**: _(__**Merlin**__ looks very scared and nervous)_, Well, I…

**Thirrin**: Why are you so offended? It's not like he betrayed you, he could not help the way he was born!

**Arthur**: Born with magic?

**Merlin**: Yeah, I'm sorry Arthur but it was never the right time to tell you and-

**Old Merlin**: I am so ashamed.

**Arthur\Merlin\Thirrin**: What?

**Old Merlin**: I've been listening and I've realized something is very wrong. You use my name, young Merlin, and you use my kings name, Arthur Pendragon. Morgana must be Morgan le Fay. Yet I have never been a servant. Something is very wrong… _(__**Arther**__, __**Merlin**__, __**Old Merlin **__and __**Morgana**__ move upstage and become nearly inaudible. __**Spike**__ walks over to __**Edward**__)_

**Spike**: What's with the chairs, sparkle-boy?

**Edward**: Mine!

**Spike**: That's alright mate, but what's this bit about you being a big scary vampire?

**Edward**: How do you know that?

**Spike**: Didn't you hear a word that bit Sorrel was say'n?

**Edward**: No, she's a girl. I don't even listen to my fortunetelling sister most the time.

**Spike**: Do you have a bloody death wish?

**Edward**: Actually yes, I am a creature of the darned, I don't deserve to live

**Spike**: If you keep whine'n I might help with that, Sparkle-boy. _(__**Angel**__ walks up) _Oi! What are you look'n at?

**Angel**: I'm Angel. _(__**Spike**__ slightly stiffens)_ Not that Angel, I'm not anything like him!

**Edward**: You can read minds?

**Angel**: Even better than you. _(__**Edward**__ and __**Angel**__ have a silent conversation, __**Spike**__ looks disgusted,)_

**Spike**: Well I'm off. _(Walks over to __**Snape**__)_ So you're a wizard then?

**Snape**: Apparently so.

**Spike**: I know this witch, red head, even heard of her?

**Snape**: Another Weasley?

**Spike:** Willow, but close enough. Do you think you could get me out of here?

**Snape**: No.

**Spike**: Well bloody why not?

**Snape**: I've lost my wand.

**Spike**: Bugger. _(Strolls over to the running __**Rincewind**_ ) So you're also a wizard?

**Rincewind**: What gave me away?

**Spike**: Look, could you get me out of here?

**Rincewind**: I only ever knew one spell.

**Spike**: _(yells)_ Look is there anyone who can get me out of here? Otherwise I'm gonna' smash all your bloody heads in! _(Everyone is silent for a few seconds then __**Edward'**__s head explodes. __**Sorrel**__ pops in again,)_

**Sorrel**: I said don't kill anyone! _(Sorrel notices that Edward was the one who died)_ Oh, him, that's ok. I never liked Sparklepire anyways. However, now I have to find someone else…

**Merlin**: How did he die?

**Sorrel**: He couldn't stand Angel being better than him, or thinking. So Deadweird's head exploded _(__**Sorrel**__ cackles with glee)_

**Rincewind**: Could you send me home?

**Sorre**l: Why, I'm having fun,

**Rincewind**: _(removes his shoe, takes off his sock, and puts a brick in it. __**Rincewind**__ brandishes it like a weapon) _I stopped a sorcerer with this once and-

**Sorre**l: Fine, I could never argue with someone wielding a sock. Old Merlin? You'll have to go to… _(__**Edward'**__s corpse and __**Old Merlin **__vansh, __**Oskan**__ and __**Buffy**__ appear in there place,) _I think I'll stick around this time- I'm not sure I want anyone here to die yet."

**Buffy**: Spike? What are we doing here- Giles?

**Uther**: I'm King Uther! Not-

**Buffy**: Giles, you're worrying me.

**Spike**: Strangely I think he's telling the truth.

**Arthur**: Why do you people keep calling my dad Giles?

**Buffy**: Wait, Giles, you have a son?

**Uther**: I'm not Giles!

**Buffy**: If you say so…

**Thirrin**: Oskan, tell me what is this girl doing!

**Oskan**: How would I know, I just got here!

**Thirrin**: Confer with the spirits or something! Talk with Merlin, between two warlocks I am sure you can figure something!

**Merlin**: _(Stunned to be in the presence of a non-evil warlock of his age)_ Hi.

_(__**Feegles**__ appear)_

**Rob Anybody**: Ach, crivens! _(__**Sorrel**__ starts laughing, jumping up and down with joy)_

**Sorrel**: Yes! This is going to be epicipipical!

_(Scene blacks out) _

**_A\N_**: So what do you think? Care to tell me with a reveiw? This was more of an introduction scene but next time... I have a theory that it's a dancing demon- nah, somrthing isn't right there... More feegle action... Death'll come back... Merlin deals with a non-evil warlock :)

*The following characters come from-

Arthur, Merlin, Morgana and Uther come from Merlin

Susan, Death, Feegles and Rincewind are from Discworld

Buffy and Spike are from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Edward (Deadweird the Sparklepire) is from Twilight

Snape is from Harry Potter

Angel is from Maximun Ride

Thirrin and Oskan are from the Icemark Chronicals

Random Zombe could be from Plants versus Zombies but its so random no one knows for sure

Old Merlin is kinda the real myth dude... sorta

If anyone gets confused about some of the lesser known ones, google is a wonderful thing!

And remember, I don't own any of the characters I've trapped!

Have fun, thank you and reveiw!


	2. Chapter 2

Scene II

**Uther**:

I've got a theory  
>That it's a demon<br>A dancing demon - nyehh, something isn't right there

**Spike\Buffy**: Not again!

**Morgana**:

I've got a theory,  
>some kid is dreaming,<br>and we're all stuck inside his wacky broadway nightmare

**Merlin**:

I've got a theory we should work this out,

**Sorrel, Morgana and Thirren**:

its getting eerie whats this cheery singing all about?

**Arthur**:

It could be witches, some evil witches,  
>(<em>glances at Morgana who is smirking and Sorrel who is raising her eyebrows<em>)  
>which is ridiculous cause witches they were persecuted, and wicca,<br>good and loved the earth, and woman power, and i'll be over here.

**Sorrel**:

I've got a theory it could be bunnies!...

**Thirren**:

I've got a theo—

**Sorrel**: (_interrupting with glee)_

Bunnies arent just cute like everybody supposes,  
>They got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses,<br>And whats with all the carrots?  
>What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?<br>Bunnies, Bunnies, it must be bunnies!  
>... Or maybe midgets?<p>

(_Everyone stares at her; Buffy does a facepalm)_

**Morgana**:

I've got a theory we should work this fast,

**Morgana\Uther**:

Because it could get clearly serious before it's past.

**Buffy**:

I've got a-

**Sorrel**: (_Interrupts)_No ruining the song again Buffy! That's not fair!

**Merlin**: What was that?

**Sorrel**: Exactly what Uther said it was- A dancing demon! The question is who summoned it?

**Buffy**: Well Xander's not here so…

**Sorrel**: Exactly my point. Okay everyone, get ready to sing about your secrets!

**Daft Wullie**: Ach crivens! Waily, waily, waily!

**Sorrel**: Do you have any secrets Wullie?

**Daft Wullie**: She knows my name, oh waily, waily, waily!

**Rob Anybody**: Get tae hold on yerself!

**Daft Wullie**:

THEY GOT THE MUSTURD OUT!

**Everyone**:

THEY GOT THE MUSTURD OUT!

**Sorrel**: Ok, so I'll Never Tell is next.

**Spike**: What?

**Sorrel**: It seems like it's using the same songs as you guys sung in order.

**Arthur**: But why is this happening to us?

**Uther**: IT MUST BE MAGIC!

**Sorrel**: Yes Uther. Whatever.

**Merlin**: So we are all going to start singing other people's secret's?

**Sorrel**: I don't know.

**Arthur**:

Everything is changing,

Morgana is evil,

My best friend could be hanging,

Now more secrets are bound to spill,

Like the way I was born from my mother's death, by magic,

Or how I love Gwen so much it makes me sick,

I'm scared what might happen if they learn-

**Sorrel**:

It's coming, cause guess who's here?

Of course King Uther had to hear.

**Merlin**:

My secret's out,

My life in others hands,

Changing the law now, I very much doubt,

I'll live because of a mad, grieving fool's demands,

I've sacrificed so much, my love, friend and father,

My dreadful mistake with Kilgharrah,

I'm scared what might happen if they learn-

**Sorrel**:

And now it's all said and done,

After the song you might need to run,

**Morgana**:

My cover's blown,

I suppose it's for the best,

My morality was thrown,

I've put myself up to the test,

Of claiming Camelot for my sister Morgause,

For revenge, I've tried to kill and hit new lows,

I'm scared what might happen if they learn-

**Sorrel\Morgana\Arthur\Merlin**:

But now we know-

The worst is on way after we stop this song,

These secrets mean we cannot get along.

We're scared of what might happen,

We're scared of what's going to happen,

The truth is what will set us free,

What is never going to be-

Oh-kay-!

**Sorrel**: Ok… I guess not…

**Oskan**: Not what?

**Sorrel**: That was their own dilemma- not buffyverse

**Morgana**: I was wondering if I could have a solo,

**Everyone**: Why! (_turns their heads and goggles at the smirking witch)_

**Morgana**: Because I'm emotional. Haven't you noticed, from me switching sides and being confused all the time. I deserve to have my own song atleast!

**Sorrel**: Go ahead, Smirky-one.

**Morgana**:

Every single night the same arrangement,  
>I plot against the side of right,<br>Still I always feel the strangest strangement,  
>Nothing here to kill, nothing here to fight<p>

I've been making shows of trading sides,  
>Just hoping no one knows that I've been going through emotions,<br>Playing through the part  
>Nothing seems to activate my heart<p>

I was always brave and kind of righteous,  
>Now I find I'm wavering<br>I wish Uther was in the grave,  
>Anything else just doesn't mean a thing<p>

**Merlin**:

She keeps on smirking

**Morgana**:

Thanks for noticing

**Merlin\Oskan\Rob Anybody**:

She changed so much in just one year,  
>Plays her part sincere, but she's just going through emotions,<br>Faking it somehow

**Rob Anybody**:

She's not even half the girl she... ow (_Daft Wullie accidentally kicked him in the head)_

**Morgana**:

Will I stay this way forever?  
>Vengeance always my life's endevor...<p>

**Uther**:

Do you really hate-

**Morgana**:

Whatever, I don't wanna be...  
>Going through emotions,<br>Loosing all my soul  
>I can't even see if this is really me<br>And I just wanna be... whole

**Buffy**: You did not just steal my song! (_Morgana smirks)_

**Sorrel**: She did, but hold on! We starting singing right after the feegles arrived, right?

**Rob Anybody**: Dunna be blame us!

**Sorrel:** Sorry Rob, but there is a connection somewhere.

_(dramatic music starts as the scene fades out)_

**Rob Anybody**:

We have a cheep lawyer 'n'_ (fades out)_

* * *

><p>A\N: I still don't own anything<em><br>_


End file.
